


Embracing the Aftermath

by Ivy_Scribbles



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Awesome Gwen (Merlin), Caring Gwen (Merlin), Guinevere Pendragon - Freeform, Hugs, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Merthur - Freeform, Merthur hurt/comfort, OC character - Freeform, gwen knows, merlin loves Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:13:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27580529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivy_Scribbles/pseuds/Ivy_Scribbles
Summary: She spoke before Merlin could ask if she was alright. “Then I am happy.” she said, her tone not betraying her.Merlin was a little surprised. “Gwen?”Gwen looked back at him and smiled warmly. “I am happy he died with someone that he knew loved him.”ORMerlin returns to Camelot just over a year after Arthur's death. He learns of the changes since he left, and realises that Gwen knew more about him than she ever let on.
Relationships: Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 78





	Embracing the Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel to my other Merlin fic - Merlin and the Observatory! (which is an Arthur reincarnation fic) So, if you liked this one, I'd feel amazing if you read that one too (it's very Merthury).
> 
> Shout out to my good friends Zoe and Lydia, who make their own appearances in these fics. 
> 
> If you enjoyed this one, I'd love for you to check out my other Merlin fics! 
> 
> Prepare for emotions and angst ahead. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated!
> 
> -Ivy

The wind blew lightly against the queen’s window as she sat comfortably at her desk. It was mid afternoon and Gwen was sorting through the latest papers that were so generously given to her by the council.

Sometimes, Gwen wondered where on earth the council got their ideas from. All of them were of noble background, which was obvious seeing as none of them seemed to have any idea what the people of Camelot had as priorities. She dismissed the irrelevant papers with one graceful hand movement and sighed.

Gwen took pride in her duties as Queen of Camelot, she adored seeing her people thrive more than anything. Though she couldn’t lie to herself, sometimes she missed her old life. Less luxurious it might have been but it was much simpler.

None the less, she would never cease serving her people. Arthur had entrusted her with the royal seal and she damn well intended to deliver.

Besides, she had other duties other than just being the queen to take care of.

The peaceful melody of a wind chime brought her out of her thoughts. Gwen turned her head towards the window and took a moment to appreciate how pretty the wind chime looked in the sunlight. One of her maids, Zoe, made them in her spare time and sold them to the people in the citadel. They were particularly popular with new mothers, who used them to help their babies sleep tranquilly through the night. Gwen requested long ago for a personal one, which Zoe was more than happy to make. It often helped her drift off on difficult nights.

Gwen observed how the wind chime looked ever so magical encased in the sun rays as it glowed a beautiful golden hue. That alone was enough to remind her of something else she missed about her old life, or rather, someone.

Suddenly feeling the need to warm up under the sun rays, Gwen stood up and made her way over to the window. She felt the sunlight tingle on her skin as she continued to warm herself. For a moment, she forgot about the paperwork and the stresses of being queen, and instead reeled in this happy warmth by doing something so simple as standing by a window.

A gentle knock at the door turned her attention back to the rest of her chambers. Gwen smiled and made her way back towards her desk, brushing her dress down as she did so.

“Come in.” she called calmly.

The door opened and Zoe, or as Gwen jokingly referred to her as ‘the wind chime maid’, entered, bearing an unmistakeable smile.

“My lady,” she spoke as she entered, not allowing the door to fully close. “There is someone here to see you.”

“I hope it’s not a councilman here to bore me with more paperwork.” Gwen replied, not caring if there really was one within earshot.

Zoe smiled. “No, my lady. It is someone else.”

Gwen was surprised. “Right, well, you may show them in then.” she smiled at Zoe, grateful for her service.

The young maid stepped back outside for a moment after bowing, and Gwen heard her say “She will see you.” to whoever stood outside her chambers.

Gwen prepared herself for whoever it may be, tuning herself to her queenly, diplomatic side to address this unknown visitor.

All hopes of her following through with this were dropped immediately when she saw who entered.

There, at the door with an uncertain look on his face, stood her old friend. The one she had thought of only moments before at the window.

Merlin.

She wasn’t aware that her mouth was open until she felt it close. Gwen stood there, not quite believing what she was seeing.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” stated Zoe as she bowed to the queen and left the room quietly. She knew who this man was that she’d let in and smiled as she walked away.

***

Merlin was the one to break the silence between the two. He produced a small smile and bowed his head in Gwen’s direction.

“My lady.” he simply said, not conveying any particular emotion.

Gwen, on the other hand, was more than ready to convey her emotions. Picking up her dress from her feet, she ran to him.

“Merlin!” she loudly whispered in a voice that still couldn’t quite believe it. She held out her arms and pulled him into an embrace which he reciprocated without hesitation.

Gwen felt a familiar warmth in hugging Merlin, one she hadn’t felt in a while. She could feel that he needed this, she didn’t know how but she could. The pair of them stayed in each other’s arms for a few minutes.

It was Gwen who eventually pulled away, mainly to wipe the tears from her eyes. She saw Merlin do the same and suddenly didn’t feel as embarrassed.

“I’m so happy you’re here.” she uttered, her voice the same as it was earlier, raspy with disbelief.

“Yeah, I’m feeling more like that now,” Merlin responded. “I wasn’t sure if…”

Gwen knew what he was going to say. “Don’t be silly, Merlin. Of course I’d want to see you,” she said truthfully. “Please, sit down, I’ll send for some food.”

Merlin looked at her, confused. “Oh no, Gwen honestly it’s fine...”

He didn’t get to finish. “No, I won’t hear it, Merlin. I don’t know where you’ve been, I need to see you eat something.”

Merlin knew better than to argue with her.

***

Not long later, both of them were sat on Gwen’s bed, with Merlin taking the end furthest from the pillows.

Gwen hadn’t asked Merlin anything yet, she was still too overwhelmed by the fact that he was there. Now that they’d eaten, she figured it was now time to get some answers.

“When did you get back?” she started, speaking softly.

Merlin looked up from the floor, still looking unsure of himself and his position. “Not long ago, I went to see Gaius first.”

Gwen nodded and smiled. “That’s fair enough,” she saw Merlin look at her with the uncertainty again and decided to break the ice.

“Listen, Merlin. I don’t wish to speak awkwardly with you, you’re an old friend.”

That’s when Merlin looked up properly. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing will ever change that; I only hope that you see me the same.”

Merlin smiled weakly. “Of course.”

Gwen knew what she had to say next. “And when I say nothing, I really do mean nothing, Merlin.”

A moment of realisation suddenly hit Merlin. “You know, don’t you?”

She made sure that her nod was clear. “Yes, since Camlann. Gaius told me…well, I say that, I sort of figured it out in the end.”

Merlin smiled at her. “You’ve always been observant, Gwen, there’s no denying that.”

Gwen appreciated that. “Thank you, Merlin. Though I doubt it’s anywhere near your levels.”

Merlin let out a small laugh.

“Merlin…I…” she sighed. “I wish there was something I could say to you that sums up how I’m feeling, and how I’ve felt this past year.”

“The same goes for me, Gwen.” Merlin responded, clear sadness in his eyes.

Gwen continued. “The truth is, I understand. I understand why you couldn’t come back, not straight away. If I were in your shoes, I would’ve done the same thing,” Gwen paused and rose to get a drink for herself while Merlin remained seated on the bed. “I take it you stayed in Ealdor?” she asked, filling her goblet.

“Yes, with my mother. She was good to me; she always has been.”

Gwen smiled fondly at her own memories staying in Ealdor. Whilst she wasn’t exactly there for a happy reason, it was Hunith’s kindness that helped her through it. She was able to see where Merlin got his traits from plain as day.

“I know,” she replied. “I’m just glad you had a roof over your head, I was so worried, you know.”

Merlin looked up to Gwen. “You needn’t have been. I was fine.”

Gwen stood by her desk, goblet in hand. “I considered sending out search parties you know,” she started, earning a vague look of surprise from Merlin. “And I almost did, but Leon and Percival stopped me,”

Merlin listened intently, unsure as to what Gwen was going to say next regarding Leon and Percival. The answer was more heart-warming than he’d anticipated.

Gwen felt the need to continue. “They told me that if they knew you well enough, you’d come back on your own accord. They thought you needed time. Gaius agreed, and eventually, so did I.”

Merlin took that statement to his heart. “They were right.” he said, looking directly at Gwen.

“I thought so,” she replied softly. “I knew you’d come back Merlin, I just didn’t know when.”

“Neither did I.” stated Merlin with unmissable remorse.

Gwen detested seeing Merlin still looking upset. She could tell that something was nagging at him, even after she’d made it clear that she’d accepted him for his magic.

A certain feeling Gwen first felt a long time ago bubbled inside of her as she studied Merlin. She’d always known that he was different, that was made clear on the first day she’d met him. Gwen had called him strange a few times but never in a nasty way. In reality, that’s what drew her to him. It’s how their friendship took off in the first place. She liked to think that she knew Merlin well, and so, for his sake, kept her suspicions to herself for now.

“Will you be staying?” she asked him, truly unsure.

Merlin hesitated before replying. “I’m not sure, I don’t know if I really have a place here anymore.”

Gwen was a little heartbroken a that. “You will always have a place here.” she assured him.

“Thank you, Gwen. I just…I don’t know if I can...” Merlin’s voice faltered; he was evidently still broken inside.

Gwen put down her goblet and moved to sit back on the bed. “No, no, I understand.” she replied softly.

Now seated, Gwen took a deep breath. She couldn’t stop Merlin from leaving if it was too painful for him to stay, she was eternally grateful for the visit.

After Arthur’s death, and after Gaius revealed the truth about Merlin, Gwen had made a promise to herself. She promised herself that if she ever saw Merlin again, she would thank him for everything that he had done. For her, for her friends, for the knights, for Camelot, and most importantly, for Arthur.

She simply couldn’t let him go without doing this.

“I won’t stop you, if you want to leave, you may,” Gwen looked at him warmly, his blue eyes staring back at her. “But before you go, please, hear me out.”

Merlin nodded, sensing the underlying seriousness in Gwen’s soft tone.

Gwen stood up from the bed again and Merlin followed her. He remained near the bed post whilst she went towards the middle of the room, needing to feel the sparse sunlight that spread there.

A small sigh escaped her lips and she turned to her old friend. “Merlin…there aren’t any words to describe my gratitude towards you,” she began, taking note of Merlin’s intense focus. “You were there for him, and not just in the end, but for all of it.”

“Gwen?” Merlin asked, but Gwen didn’t answer him directly.

“Through everything, you were there, even when it put you at risk,” she said, some of the things that Gaius had told her flooding her mind. “I don’t think I’ve ever come across such loyalty in my whole life.”

Merlin’s eyes were focused on Gwen and her words, not much else occupied him. He listened in silence, not knowing what to say.

Gwen continued. “I’m told that it was destiny, you and Arthur uniting Albion and bringing peace.”

Merlin nodded at her, those words echoing in his mind countless times over. Though, he didn’t think he’d hear them again after he lost Arthur.

“But I think it was more than that.” Gwen stated, instantly snapping Merlin out of his thoughts about an old destiny. His mouth was slightly open which Gwen noted, telling herself to keep going.

“Merlin…” Gwen took another deep breath. The thought she’d held onto before rested on her tongue, the only cage holding it back was her lips. She smiled at Merlin, almost willing for him to read her mind. When he didn’t, Gwen decided to simply speak it.

She let out a short laugh. “You and I both know how much of an insufferable prat Arthur could be sometimes,”

That made Merlin properly smile, and it was a smile she was all too familiar with. She expected he was having memories of him being particularly pratty over something so menial. The fondness in his smile gave it away.

Gwen didn’t realise how hard her heart was pounding until she thought she felt it in her chest. And yet, it didn’t cloud her thoughts. She knew what she had to do next.

“And I think that, along with his bravery, and good heart…” Merlin was looking directly into Gwen’s beautiful brown eyes now, perfectly contrasting with his own crystal blue ones. Gwen swore that she could see tears welling in his eyes.

And so, she wasted not a second more voicing her thoughts.

_“…is why we both loved him.”_

Gwen couldn’t describe Merlin’s face for all the words in the world. It was a teary mix of shock, sadness and once again, uncertainty.

And Gwen couldn’t blame him. If she were in his shoes, she wouldn’t know how to feel at that moment.

She suddenly feared that she’d taken a step too far. Wiping a tear from her eye, she spoke into their shared silence.

“If I’m wrong about that, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…

“No…” a small voice cut her off. Gwen looked to its keeper, her tears matching the ones in his eyes. “…you weren’t wrong.”

A relived, emotional sigh escaped her. Gwen wasn’t sure why on earth she feared she was wrong when her heart screamed at her that she was right.

She let her heart take over her words.

“I had thought that for a while, even before we lost him.” she said truthfully.

Merlin felt as if there was a claw at his throat. “You’re not…angry?”

Gwen gazed at him only with a hint of disappointment and decided to make her point of view clear to Merlin.

She shook her head at him. “How can I be angry at love, Merlin? I’ve felt it myself; I know it isn’t something you feel by choice.” she uttered emotionally. What she’d said was true. Even whilst she was married to Arthur, Gwen had her gut feelings about Merlin. And she knew that if she was ever proven correct, she would accept it.

She would accept Merlin. And now, she’d done it twice over.

Merlin felt his breathing slow down at Gwen’s answer. He suddenly didn’t feel so choked, so trapped in a peaceful setting. He wiped more tears from his eyes and saw Gwen do the same.

“What happens now?” he asked, unsure of what else to say.

Before answering him, Gwen took herself over to her window to warm her hands again. Merlin slowly followed her and upon realising what she was doing, smiled. He’d done that many times before.

Once she’d what she’d intended to do, she turned to face her old friend again.

“I need to ask you something.” uttered Gwen.

Merlin nodded at her. “Anything.”

Gwen bit her lip. She was nervous about what she was about to ask as she was hoping for a certain answer. But Gwen knew she wasn’t going to get anywhere keeping it all in.

Finally, she spoke. “Did Arthur know?” she asked, a smile on the end of it. Her mind was racing like no other.

Merlin stared at her; his mouth slightly agape again. For a second, he didn’t answer her, instead, he thought about what to say.

_What could he say?_ Gwen, one of his oldest friends, had just revealed that she knew about his feelings for Arthur. And she wasn’t angry, not that Merlin would have blamed her if she was. His head told him a million different things, until eventually, Merlin decided to listen to his heart.

Besides, listening to his heart is what landed him here in the first place.

“I think so.” was all he said, but it was enough for Gwen. She allowed her eyes to close and let out another relieved sigh, but this one sounded different. Like a long-term weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.

Merlin knew the feeling well.

She spoke before Merlin could ask if she was alright. “Then I am happy.” she said, her tone not betraying her.

Merlin was a little surprised. “Gwen?”

Gwen looked back at him and smiled warmly. “I am happy he died with someone that he knew loved him.”

That set Merlin off. He felt the tears rush to his eyes and a second later, a pair of arms around his body. He pulled Gwen close as the pair cried together. Both of their minds eased and clear of questions.

They happily stayed there comforting the other for as long as they needed.

***

“Thank you.” the raven-haired warlock spoke.

“For what?” Gwen asked with her lovely soft tone.

Merlin laughed a little. “For not hating me.”

Gwen had to laugh too. “Oh, Merlin. I could never,” she replied truthfully. “And thank you.”

“For what?”

“For never giving up on him.”

Merlin smiled, and it was one that Gwen recognised as belonging to the boy she’d first met over a decade ago, getting pelted by fruit in the stocks. She’s missed it dearly.

Gwen pulled away from their embrace and saw how Merlin looked more like himself now. His uncertainty had vanished, however she felt that it may return in a minute.

And she was proven right when a tiny knock came from outside her door.

A little boy no older than four appeared from behind it, Zoe not far behind. Merlin stared at the boy in confusion and fascination.

“I’m so sorry my lady,” Zoe spoke, bowing to Gwen. “I couldn’t stop him from entering, he runs so fast you know.” the poor girl said between her panting breaths. Gwen simply laughed at the scene.

“It’s fine, Zoe. Thank you for bringing him.” Gwen assured her.

Zoe nodded and bowed again, making to leave the room. The little boy ran up to Gwen, enthusiastically shouting “Mummy!” as he did so. Gwen picked him up without a moments hesitation and held him in her arms, asking how he’d been.

Only then did she look at Merlin, who looked completely dumbfounded.

Gwen decided that telling him outright was probably a good idea.

“Merlin,” she started, her voice notably higher. “This is Eldon, my little boy.”

Merlin’s focus kept switching from Eldon to Gwen that fast she thought he might faint.

“I took him into my care about half a year ago. He needed a home; I was more than willing to provide one.”

Merlin finally broke free of his dumbfounded gaze. “I really have missed a lot haven’t I.”

Gwen laughed at this and Merlin joined her.

Then, Eldon moved closer to Gwen’s ear. “Is he the Merlin you told me about?” he whispered to her, though it was loud enough for Merlin to hear. He smiled.

“Good things I hope.” he said beaming.

“Yes, Eldon, he is,” Gwen smiled back. “He’s come to visit us.”

“Cool!” Eldon screeched happily. The three of them laughed together.

Gwen gently placed Eldon down. “Listen, sweetheart. Why don’t you go and find your uncle Leon, and I’ll come and get you in a bit?” Gwen said to the young boy. She was a natural at talking to children.

“Okay.” he replied. Somehow, Eldon could sense that his mum and this Merlin needed to talk alone. So, he happily went on his way to find his uncle Leon. Gwen gave him a goofy smile as he left.

As soon as Eldon was gone, Merlin turned back to Gwen with an apology on his lips.

“I’m so sorry, if I’d known, I would’ve come back…”

“Merlin, you needed time to yourself, you know I understand that.” she assured him.

Merlin smiled at her, eternally grateful for Gwen’s understanding of him, in more ways than one.

He looked back at the door. “He’s amazing, Gwen. He really is.”

“Thank you,” she replied, pride beaming in her eyes. “Cheeky sometimes, perhaps a little prattish here and there.” they both laughed at this. “But I’d do anything to see him happy.”  
  


“I know you would.”

Merlin could see plainly how much Gwen loved Eldon. He knew how lucky that little boy was to have her as a mother.

And he also knew that somewhere, Arthur would be smiling at her, admiring her kindness like he always did. Merlin knew that Arthur would’ve wanted Gwen to move on and be happy, sharing the love she had to give to Camelot and now to Eldon as well.

Arthur would’ve loved him, he just knew it.

“You know, Merlin,” Gwen suddenly said, regaining Merlin’s attention. “I had thought for a while that, if you came back and stayed, I may have a place for you here. Or rather, a position.”

Merlin gave her a puzzled look. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, as you know, I lifted the ban on magic,” Merlin’s interest was well and truly peaked at this point. When he’d first heard of the ban being lifted, he almost returned. But his heart had told him that he wasn’t ready at that point. Gwen continued on. “The trouble is, my advisors know nothing of magic, and my own knowledge is limited,” she could see that Merlin’s eyes were full of confusion but deep down, she knew that there was hope in there too.

Which was something she hadn’t seen in Merlin in a while.

Gwen only hoped that what she was about to offer him would change that.

“To be honest, Merlin, I could really do with a Court Sorcerer.”

A pin could’ve fallen in the room and passing servants outside would’ve heard it.

Merlin smiled in disbelief. “You’re serious?” he asked her, his voice taken-aback.

“Of course I am, Merlin,” she told him. “The offer is open to you and you only.”

Merlin was so sure that his magic would burst out of him at any second. After all, he’d only ever dreamed of this happening. He hadn’t even inserted the possibility of it into his thoughts of destiny, it was only ever a dream.

Gwen gently placed her hand on his cheek, tears welling in her eyes once more.

“I know it’s what Arthur would’ve wanted.” she uttered sincerely; she knew she was right.

Merlin let the tears form in his eyes again. “I don’t know what to say.” was all he could manage.

“You don’t have to say anything, come here.”

It was a damn good job Gwen and Merlin were already accustomed to hugging each other.

The pair of them could feel in their hearts that the ones they’d shared that day were different. They were wrapped in relief and free of weight, weight that they’d both been carrying for far too long.

Whatever challenges that faced them next, they would face them together. Gwen as Queen of Camelot and Merlin as her Court Sorcerer. They would strive to make their kingdom into the one Arthur would’ve wanted.

***

And little did Merlin know that many centuries later, Arthur would rise and thank him once again.

(Story is continued in my other fic ~ Merlin and the Observatory)


End file.
